Sitting in the circle at Downshift, I knew a new chapter was unfolding.
I had just laid my soul bare with the other brave humans on retreat. And I realized that years of training myself to be vulnerable and authentic culminated in this moment.
This is my gift and offering: to be my self-doubting, curious, loving, dancing self.
One of the most profound things coming up for me is holding the container of loving challenge. This surfaced when I guided our team through an exercise to define the Northstar for Downshift. While we all emphasized love, I leaned into the idea of challenge. How do we support each other—and every Downshift participant—by lovingly challenging one another?
I’m amused by this evolution in myself. When I first started Chewse, we were heavy on love but didn’t emphasize challenge enough. As the company grew, we added the element of excellence, eventually embracing a culture of loving excellence. It’s no coincidence that in stepping into a new company, I’ve integrated these two parts of me into something I (and Downshift) now call loving challenge.
When I was younger, I often leaned into love at the expense of truth and my own boundaries. People-pleasing was a habit that kept me from fully embracing my power. Now, I’m learning how to hold love while offering challenge. This means giving feedback, even when it’s uncomfortable, because I know it can improve someone’s experience—whether as a coach or a participant. It’s still edgy for me, since I don’t know if someone will get mad or defensive. But it’s opening up my ability to support people’s growth and get deeper together. This new version of me is sassier, spunkier, and more alive.
A key part of this transformation has been the Downshift team. I work with a group of men who embody healthy masculinity, creating a container for me to express myself fully. They don’t dismiss my contributions or become overly deferential—they hold space with both solidity and grace. This has made loving challenge not only possible but fun. I never thought feedback could feel fun! But now, I’m genuinely intrigued by where a conversation might go when I follow what feels true to me.
One example of this was a conversation with Steve at a team meeting. I noticed him interrupt another teammate and saw that teammate shut down. When I brought this up to Steve afterward, he took the feedback in a healthy way, explained where it came from, and adjusted. This exchange opened up a deeper conversation, allowing me to learn more about him in a way that was both vulnerable and strong. It’s given me a whole new perspective on feedback—it’s not just something to cringe through, but the beginning of a rich exploration.
And the other bonus? Growth-minded people kind of love the challenge. My coaching clients, Downshift participants, and Steve and my team want me to share my perspectives to enhance their personal development. So I also get a hit of external validation, which is exactly the opposite of what I got growing up when I challenged someone.
Perhaps the biggest takeaway from the retreat is the shift in a personal narrative I didn’t even realize I was holding. I used to believe that Chewse was the pinnacle of my career, and when long Covid robbed me of my physical energy shortly afterward, I convinced myself that my best years were behind me. I didn’t recognize how this belief had settled in until I spent time reflecting at the retreat.
The moment I named this narrative, I could feel myself releasing it. When you name it, you can tame it. As I let it go, a spaciousness opened up. I realized that no, those weren’t the best years of my life—there are rich years that are still ahead of me. There’s a new story waiting to be woven, and instead of clinging to the past, I can embrace the mystery of what’s to come. Which is exactly the intention we hold for our Downshift participants as they reframe their own uncertain transitions.
For the first time, I’m not waiting to be “healed” before stepping into the next phase. I used to think I needed to fix all the parts of me that feared conflict or struggled with tough decisions before I could start something new. But now I see there’s an alchemy happening—a transformation as I move forward with Downshift and beyond. And I’m so grateful to be a part of this journey.
If you’re managing your inner work alongside your outer work of building a company, you may benefit from my coaching work. If you book a consult, I’m happy to chat more.
❤️ Tracy
I relate to so much of this. Honored to be on this journey with you.
"For the first time, I’m not waiting to be “healed” before stepping into the next phase. I used to think I needed to fix all the parts of me that feared conflict or struggled with tough decisions before I could start something new. But now I see there’s an alchemy happening—a transformation as I move forward with Downshift and beyond. And I’m so grateful to be a part of this journey." Amen to that! I'm right there with you.