Are you a Time Maximizer?

Reduce your stress by loosening your grip on time

I told my friend that I’m a billionaire now. A time billionaire. 

We had a good laugh about that. 

I’m nowhere near that level in money, but I’m starting to see wealth in terms of free time and space. 

In my life as an entrepreneur, time has been about maximizing. Creating shortcuts through and around. Slashing at it, trying to bend it to my will.

But the irony is that the more I attempt to contort time, the less of it I seem to have.

In the attempt of domination, time itself recoils and desires freedom from my plans. It snarkily passes even more quickly as I grip more tightly to it. 

I’ll share how I’m healing my relationship with Time in an effort to bring you more of it. 

Put Away the Crystal Ball

The past few weeks I’ve been loosening my grip on Time. Instead of making evening plans and darting my eyes to the clock to see where I am in relation to their start time, I’ve been letting my plans unfold. And, alas, time responds to my loosened grip like a cat, now coming to me with great pleasure for its afternoon head scratch. 

I’ve acted like a mindreader for my future Self. “I’m going to need yoga immediately after a long day at work.” So I book and calendar it. And suddenly, it morphs from self-care to another action item to check off on my checklist.

Worse yet, sometimes I get to the end of my day and there’s a delta between what I predicted I wanted to do and where I actually am at that moment. I’m tired. I want to lie down. I want to chat with a friend. But this new calendar block has reduced my flexibility for the day. 

But if I don’t schedule it, it won’t get done!

True, but what if you end up doing something better (or nothing at all)?

There’s a subtle move here that requires you to trust yourself. Trust your preferences, intuition, and self-knowledge that when the space arrives, you will have an idea of the best way to enjoy it (notice I don’t say “use” time). 

I coach founders to preserve 2-3 hour blocks of space in their weekdays. This doesn’t mean you lie around doing nothing (though you might rest because you need it). Usually what emerges are those strategic actions. Those questions you keep pushing back because of fires. Or the friend you’ve been meaning to call you needs you. Space helps that wisdom arise. 

Sit with the Discomfort of Doing Nothing

Here’s the doozy about being busy – it covers up difficult feelings I don’t want to face. 

I had the whole weekend free last Saturday. I kicked off surfing with my boyfriend, but the emptiness of my calendar hit me hard. 

I had a sense of “what’s the point” of this weekend of fun when I don’t have the family I want. I should be busy with that. It was longing and desire. I was hit with a wave of sadness. 

So I cover it up with being busy. 

I always have an Audible book to pop in my ear.
Or a Netflix show to watch.
Or a friend to hang with.
Or a yoga class to attend.
Maybe a surf session.

And then my day is over. But I’m exhausted because I’ve run myself into the ground.

I did things differently that day: I sat with my emptiness. It felt like a big hollow cavern scooped out of my chest. It seemed to be filled with existential questions: “What’s the purpose of my life? Did I mess it all up?” The big, dark questions and self-judgments that I haven’t been able to address seem to live in that cavern.

But true emptiness isn’t the darkness.
It’s the space around all that pain.
It’s not good, it’s not bad.
It’s just...absent of fullness. 

As I listened more closely, it bellowed, “Out of emptiness, greatness is born.”

Of course, the best creations come out of an empty mind! That’s why the concept of beginner's mind is so important. Clean the slate, look at an old problem with fresh eyes, and something emerges from that void that wasn’t there before.

As I sat more with it, emptiness felt oddly comforting. It was still. It didn’t have the pressure of answers because there were no questions there. 

It was a true resting place. How had I been so afraid to visit and lay my weary heart down? 

This is the space of Being.
This is freedom from Busy.

Enjoy Time, Don’t Use It

I’m easing my masculine relationship with Time. For those of you new to masculine/feminine energy, everyone has both sides and neither are bad. My masculine sees Time as his weapon, something to be controlled with a purpose. You accomplish X things in Y timeframe. I love the achievement orientation behind this...sometimes.

My problem is I can’t turn it off. Weekends become about outcomes. I pack in activities so that I can feel “accomplished” when really I feel exhausted.

I’ve been spending the last two weeks giving my feminine the keys to the car. What would it look like to keep loose or no evening plans during the week? Suddenly I’m moving more slowly. I’m not under the gun of some omniscient timekeeper who is judging whether or not I’m meeting the mark. I don’t have pre-laid plans that suddenly feel irrelevant or mismatched with my desires at the moment. I don’t have to resist as much emotion because my feelings no longer have to be time bound. 

And instead of feeling like I’ve “wasted” time, I’m finally feeling I’m worthy of Time. Worthy of the preciousness of the hours and days and years we spend on this planet. Worthy of the life she blesses us all with.

If Time were an entity, I think she would want us to enjoy her. Not to lock her up like some caged animal, but to run alongside her on the plains. 

Your relationship with Time is a metaphor for your relationship with Life itself. Is Life meant to be a list of achievements? A list of enjoyments? Something in between?

Practical Shifts in Relating to Time

Does this mean never schedule? That isn’t possible for most of us.

1. Underplan. This is difficult for me and my high-achiever community. But having this space to make moment-by-moment decisions trains you to trust in the moment and tune into self-awareness. If we calendar every moment of the day, we simply follow inertia, hurtling towards the end of our day like it's a finish line, only to end exhausted and dreading the race of the next day. Stop planning. Unfold your plans from this moment.
   

2. Shift your energy towards Time. I believe more than ever that the Universe is a mirror for you. See time as a scarce resource and it becomes scarce. Hold it with a death grip and you start to see death everywhere.
   Sometimes I play this game with myself, “What would I do right now if I knew I had an abundance of time?” It’s a new kind of energy that emerges when you believe you have more time.
   

3. Practice being with Emptiness. If you notice the resistance to making space, it’s a clue that you're avoiding a feeling. Schedule time to sit with that feeling. What comes up when you aren’t doing something? Is there pain, worthlessness, or guilt? Get to know this shadow driver of your relationship to maximize time. Eventually you may learn the secret underneath – being with these hurt emotions won’t hurt you. They might free you.

Society vilifies time, on its relentless, continuous march. It’s movement becomes the enemy of life.

But what if Time was conjoined with life? Life after all, cannot exist without Time. 

Instead of viewing it as a march to death, why not appreciate all the life it encases us in? 

Stop Stuffing Time

If you’ve made it this far (bless you!), then I’ll share a poem that sprang out of me as I reflected on Time. It’s a newer format for me to share publicly, I hope you enjoy it!

I’m slowly gliding into my life
The soft cave of simple pleasures
The amber glow of mundane delights

Easing up my grip on time
To let it slip through my fingers
Is to truly hold it
To enjoy time with an open hand
Instead of a tight fist
Is to honor time’s purpose

To pass in light
In darkness
In sorrow
In hope
But simply
To pass.

Stop stuffing time with purpose
It’s not a turkey to be feasted on
It’s an experience to live through

You force time into sharp boxes 
With pointy corners
Or you can let it undulate
With sensual curves
Wrapping you in the warmth
Of this one essential moment.

Time is not spent continually marching
Sometimes it dances
Or it stays perfectly still
It is not relentless
It does not keep a clock
It bursts forth and holds back
It speeds up with activity
And slows down with recovery

It is not one thing
Who are we to define and structure it?

I appreciate you!

1. I would love to know about your relationship with time. How has it changed as you’ve evolved on your path?
   

2. If you’re managing your inner work alongside your outer work of building a company, you may benefit from my coaching work. If you book a consult, I’m happy to chat more.